Next week I want to publish an article on bad behavior in congregations, but I thought it would be interesting to get your views in advance. Take a moment to answer this question:
23 responses to “Not Peace, But a Sword”
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You’ve presented a good list to be sure. I’d think it more thorough if you had included the process of “triangulation” as one of the options. This dynamic generates misunderstanding, hurt feelings, and potential conflict by misdirecting feedback making it second or third hand and untimely. My guess is that each of the options listed may be exacerbated by trinagulation around an issue, question, feeling, or problem.
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Will, I am going to address triangulation in the longer article. Most of what we blame as “the problem” has deeper roots in values, worldview, family systems, and unexamined habits. However, the symptoms are the presenting issues, and they are the evidence that deeper issues need to be resolved. I imagine it is nearly impossible to investigate any issue of lying, unresolved conflict, gossip, spreading rumors, etc., that doesn’t involve some aspect of triangulation. Each of these symptoms signifies systemic dysfunction and calls for remedial improvement. So — you’re right on target.
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My experience has been all of these are effects and not causes. The cause to all of these is the resistance to change. If a pastor does not attempt to change anything in a church there will be none of these problems to any great extent. However, in the course of the history of the Church there comes a time when God is calling for great changes in the Church and over time all of these problems will pop up. I agree the biggest problem the pastor encounters is allowing him or herself to be triangulated. I further believe that the pastor enters into an understanding of Church properly taught in seminary but not taught in the church to laity. Laity’s understanding is based on the context within which particular traditions have developed and reinforced in that congregation. When the pastor, rightly, attempts to move the Church to be more like Jesus, resistance to change occur. It occurs regardless to how much the pastor teaches, prays, etc. Compounding this problem is the pastor is seldom backed in these disputes. The laity is backed and things continue to go on as usual and over time change does not happen. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
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Bill, this list of symptoms is merely that — the presenting issues that indicate some deeper issue that is unresolved. The fact that these things are so prevelant in our church systems implies that many of our congregational leaders are ill-prepared to confront problems, mediate in productive ways, and help create healthier local church environments. This is not meant as criticism as much as analysis — we have not placed as much value and emphasis on teaching subjects like emotional intelligence, mediation, family systems, interpersonal dynamics, change management, facilitation, and communication. Pastors seek to be peacemakers/peacekeepers and feel deeply frustrated that these symptomatic behaviors exert so much destructive force in their churches. Resistance to change, fear of the unfamiliar, sense of losing what one cares about, and good old fashioned selfishness are all root causes resulting in these behaviors.
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“Other” — A narrow focused concern for one another and for the congregational unit that nurtures and grows a “congregation perspective” while losing the “Kingdom perspective.”
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Although I agree that many of the options are interrelated, I believe the one issue that can affect the nature of congregational dynamics the most rest on the shoulders of the clergyperson called by God to serve that congregation.
Pastoral ministry is hard, takes a lot of work. Many times clergy fail to provide the leadership, vision, and empowered team leaders/teams to effeectively transmit the Gospel. The options given in the poll stand as the barriers that clergy face when they try to rally lay leadership to work together with a common goal. It is our calling to find ways to motivate and lead, and manage those we have been called to serve.
Unfortunately, the greatest task our Lord left for us is often the most difficult to carryout faithfully; and that is to love. Genuine, Christ-like love of the people we serve can and will provide a conduit for God’s grace. The Holy Spirit has often become more theological theory than practical force.
We, clergy and laity, have become our worst enemy. Leadership and Team Building tools are available. We need to make a holy effort to use them.-
Some very good observations, and food for thought. One of the problems I encountered in doing the study was the number of times that the pastoral leader was not just dealing with the problem, but was participating in the bad behavior or was the actual cause. When you’re the problem, it is very hard to provide leadership to the larger congregation. One of the most common problems is polarization — where the pastor or pastors become associated with one side in a disagreement or issue. Once the pastor is aligned with one part of the congregation against another part, that person becomes locked in a “no win” situation. Very few congregational dysfunctions do not include the pastor, making the kind of prophetic, visionary peacemaking leadership you describe incredibly difficult.
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Gossip from a meeting to those not at the meeting from one who is having a hearing problem. The truth is very distorted.
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Amen!
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Failure to forgive another for, even outrageous, bad behavior has been the biggest detriment to the success of a church in my experience. If we are truly disciples of Jesus Christ, we have to accept the sin, the sickness of others, and forgive them for whatever demon is disturbing them at the moment, so that the Church can behave as the body of Christ. Jesus on the cross had every reason to be angry with those who had tortured him; yet he could say, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” They should have been apologizing to him, but he asked God to forgive them and went on to die for them.
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This question is difficult to answer with just one because they can be so intertwined.
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You’re absolutely right! They are deeply entwined, and almost impossible to separate. Interestingly, in interviews people almost always identify what they believe is an “initial cause” or source of the others. By asking for the most destructive source in a congregation, I am pushing people to prioritize the list, even though there may be virtually no real difference between some of the behaviors. What I will look at in the article is an interesting contrast between church leaders, church attenders, and those outside the church — they each identify a different cluster of factors as “most destructive.”
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FaithQuest Revisited 
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