Okay, a couple confessions. I am struggling to retire. I cannot quite wrap my head around who I am anymore. I have always been leading, teaching, preparing, presenting, preaching, organizing, researching, reviewing, writing, counseling, collaborating, corresponding, and/or creating. My “monkey-mind” has always been active, hyperactive, super active, perhaps loopy-active, but constantly moving from here to there.

Second, admission/confession/reaffirmation – I have no patience. As to fruit of the Spirit, I can score an A on love, peace, kindness, generosity, a B on faithfulness, joy, gentleness, a C on self-control, and a D- on patience. I am being kind not giving myself a failing grade, but others have told me that I am patient, so I defer.

Anyway, I am always trying to adapt to a world that seems designed to make impatient people absolutely crazy and outraged. I forget that people aren’t perfect. I ignore the fact that love of neighbor includes the dufus who cuts me off in traffic. I lose it completely when I am transferred to the sixth customer service representative who accidently hangs up on me. Christ cannot possibly be happy with me when I treat those who annoy, frustrate, irritate, impede, ostracize, delay, distract, contradict, and/or insult me with petulance, revenge, contempt, or treating like-with-like. I am to be a person of grace, of forgiveness, tolerance, restoration, rapport, and reconciliation, but, alas, I am not.

So, how to deal with this impatience and intolerance? I have decided to adopt a “right-lane retirement.” Let me explain. In North Carolina, drivers accelerate 90, 50, 75, 40, 60 miles per hour in each and every mile of highway. It is impossible to set a cruise control because the person in front of you will drive as if they are attention deficit and believe that ignoring designated speed limits indicates superior moral and ethical character. Any NC driver who obeys the speed limit believes they are controlled by the devil, and that God grants them the freedom to drive any speed they want, so they try to drive every possible speed, every existing mile. It is a God-gifted calling to absolutely infuriate any and all other drivers on the road. Accelerators and brakes are to be used in a random and unpredictable manner, with no other purpose than to create traffic jams, unnecessary accidents and delays.

So, what would Jesus do? By God’s grace, the Holy Spirit imparted to me the very will of God by the Christ’s own direction. Go with the flow. I am learning what it means to be retired by getting in the right lane and simply driving. Whatever happens happens. Whoever is in front is in control. Whoever is driving like an inebriated idiot is a gift from God. The lovely older person driving down the center of the highway, blocking both lanes at 32 1/2 miles per hour is an angel in discguise. The beloved and holy jerk who cut me off and gave me the finger is an absolute joy to behold and a blessing to all who drive.

I am going to continue to drive in the right lane and learn how to be patient. I am going to continue to go fast-slow-slow-insanely fast-despairingly slow, speed limit – until I learn how to simply be in the moment, without stress, without anger, without a desire for revenge and heavy artillery designed to teach bad drivers a lesson. Pray for me. Patience might be a virtue, but it is also difficult and annoying. Can I get an amen?