In my first five months of retirement, I have been asked three things more than any other: 1) what do I think about Epstein/Kirk/Musk/Bad Bunny/Trump this-that-or-the-other-thing, 2) would I consider doing a podcast instead of a blog because “I really don’t read much any more, but I would listen”? and 3) what have you learned in retirement?

Well, to #1 I say, no one really needs my opinion on any of this stuff – it is all distraction from the reality that we have a world/country in crisis and that there are many more important things to be concerned about.

To #2 I say, I am open, but it would be a “both/and” rather than an “either/or” kind of thing. If you would like a pod/vodcast alternative, please let me know.

But for #3, I am going to do a series of reflections on what I have learned (have yet to learn, have not learned, may never learn) in retirement.

Here is the first thing: I am NOT good at being retired (yet). I was not fully aware how much what I did in ministry defined who I am. Ministry gave me purpose in dozens of different ways. Not talking about any actual difference I made. Not talking about how much the church needed or didn’t need what I offered. Not worried about leaving any kind of legacy. Much more basic than that. For over forty years – 40 years! – I have been always creating something. Nothing earth-shattering: sermons, studies, curriculum, books, videos, presentations, campaigns, devotions, blogs, research projects, articles, seminars, think-tanks, book groups. I have been stimulated emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually by thinking about thinking, and curious about everything. I have been engaged in being engaged.

Now, for most of my adult life I told myself that I would love to have unlimited time for family, friends, and books – essentially books. I love to read, and have never had much trouble finding time to read, but let me make a total nerd confession: in 2025 I will have read over 400 books. How do I know? I have already read over 400 books this year. I have read more good books than bad, and it is driving me crazy. Why? Because I LOVE sharing what I learn with other people. Reading has been a way to feed my creativity. I NEED to teach, preach, pontificate, expound, share, question, incite, provoke (and, yes, mansplain, sorry) about the things I discover and learn. I am feeling like a Dead Sea at the moment – a whole lot of input with no outlet, inflow for stagnation and salinization. I struggle with the loss of creativity and output.

I didn’t know exactly what to expect with retirement. Lack of focus? Lack of purpose? Lack of direction? Sure. A little disorientation? A little boredom? A bit of confusion? No question. But pain, loss, grief? I wasn’t expecting it and have not been ready for it. I left ministry serving the absolute best UMC imaginable. People’s United Methodist Church in Oregon was the closest thing to heaven-on-earth that I can imagine as a pastor, and I had the blessing and privilege to serve for the final four years of my ministry as the lead pastor there. I had an incredible staff, deeply committed lay leadership, and an amazingly progressive community of faith ready to do all it could to make the world a better place. I worked at the Conference level, the denominational level, the international level, launched a new church, and pastored a number of congregations, but nothing compared with the four years I had at People’s.

Moses wandered forty years in the wilderness and never got to enter the Promised Land himself. I wandered for my forty years, often in the right direction, many times lost and confused, sometimes heading further into chaos, but always faithfully and blessed. It was definitely time for me to pass the mantle to the new generations of Joshuas, able to accomplish all I could not, but it has been much harder than I anticipated.

So, this is my personal lament about what I have learned in these first five months of retirement. In the next few blogs I will share what I hope are some positive and helpful insights reflecting on the past forty years. Were I to offer advice to my much younger self, these are the things I would most like to share. Shalom!