I began teaching Sunday school and leading youth group in 1977. By 1979 I was a Director of Christian Education at a 1,500+ member church. That year I was also licensed as a certified Spiritual Director, with the provision that I was a much more effective group director than one-on-one (I am too much of a fixer). I have always thrived best in concepts and practices than in emotions and drama. On every spiritual gifts survey I have ever taken, I have scored very, VERY low on compassion (which is actually a strength in spiritual direction). My empathy is high, but I do not get sucked into the emotional baggage and theatrics of other’s suffering. It has helped me immeasurably to differentiate caring from responsibility. I can be a caregiver who says clearly, “I’m not your mother!”

That said, as I reflect on 48 years(!) of some form of ministry, an epiphany emerges: as much as I enjoy preaching, as gratifying (and, yes, satisfying) as it has been to speak to crowds globally from hundreds to thousands in attendance, as much as I enjoy writing books, articles, blogs, devotions, and curriculum, and as much as I have enjoyed serving boards, agencies, and conferences across the denomination, my greatest joy and fulfillment has been with small groups.

One of the most misquoted Bible verses in scripture is “where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am with you.” This quotation does not exist in scripture. The actual quotation is “where two or three are gathered,” and it holds a profound clue to honest and effective discipleship. Worship is great, Christian service projects are fantastic, and you cannot fault a strong personal relationship with God, but authentic and transformative Christian growth demands a small, intimate network of relationships. Disciples need teachers, followers need leaders, apprentices need mentors, seekers need peers, and pilgrims need partners. Where (if) I have made any difference to anyone, it has been in small group settings.

Years ago I read a research paper that (in my mind, anyway) proved that the most effective group experiences occurred in groups of no less than five, no more than seven people. Below five, there is not a high enough level of diverse thought and interaction for optimal learning. Over seven, there is limited capacity for real engagement, and individuals may withdraw or drop out. Regarding small group leaders, even the best can attend to and manage twenty-one relationships at a time, the number of potential relationships in a group of seven people.

In the latter part of the twentieth century, well into today, U.S. culture became enamored with the mega-church model of ministry. This transformed the metaphor of Christian community from relationship to industry. But even large churches caught on, launching “small group ministry” as a key to continued growth and competitive advantage. Unfortunately, large churches used this as a tool for institutional dominance, not equipping disciples to live out their faith fully and powerfully in the world. Imagine that: modern institutional church missing the point…

Not that I am lauding small churches over big churches. The vast majority of dysfunctional, inbred, ineffective and dying churches I encountered over the better part of fifty years were small. Instead of a focus on spiritual formation and transformative Christian living, most of the small churches devoted themselves to survival, comfort, or silly power struggles.

No, for me, Thomas Kelly’s ecclesiola en ecclesia summed it up: the “small church within the church.” In my first appointment I gathered as small group of adults who began to question why our church did the things it did, and why it ignored so many things Jesus taught. We were called a “cadre of dissidents.” In my next appointment, a small group of members met weekly and focused on how to live our faith in the world – how to shift focus from “coming to church,” to “being the church.” This group was labeled the “pastor’s pets” by those in the congregation not interested in real discipleship. I took a small, struggling youth group of a half-dozen, created Pneuma (a weekly meeting of young people practicing spiritual disciplines every, single day), that quickly grew to over 40 dedicated teenagers. In my last appointment, a small Wednesday Night Light interactive worship/devotional experience, and our Deep Dive adult spiritual formation group were the highlights of my week.

I have established small book/reading/discussion groups wherever I have been in ministry, and the memories from those discussions and interactions stay strong to this day.

In a denomination so enchanted with size, growth, numbers, and money, it was difficult to stay focused on transformative relationships. Were I asked to mentor young/new pastors today, I would definitely share this revelation: less truly is more. If we wish to empower and equip people in their discipleship and spiritual growth, bigger is not better. If our church wishes to truly transform the world, we need to downsize rather than increase the number of nominal and fringe believers. We need to think deep rather than wide. We have way too many people who feel that a once-a-month visit to a local church for an hour is more than enough to qualify for a heaven ticket, but we are not going to see God’s kingdom come on earth based on this level of commitment.

Relationships are the key, but not simply one-on-one or congregation-wide relationships. We need small, intimate, open, honest, and engaged relationships between a few people at a time. As I look back at the ways my ministry truly honored God and neighbor and actually made a lasting difference, it was when “two or three gathered”, and Christ was truly with us.