It is no great thing not to judge, and to be sympathetic to someone who is in trouble and falls down before you, but it is a great thing not to judge or strike back when someone, on account of their own passions, speaks against you and to disagree when someone else is honored more than you.

Recently someone called me out saying, “You say not to judge, but you judge all the time! You say we should be kind, we should be generous, we shouldn’t name call, we shouldn’t lie. Aren’t you being judgmental every time you say something like this?” Good point. I do judge kindness better than cruelty, forgiveness superior to punishment, truth over lies, compassion over malice, caregiving over torture, peace over war, tolerance over narrow-mindedness, love over hate, and mercy over condemnation. Guilty as charged. I am a judgmental case.

It causes me also to be judgmental to understand how and why I need to defend these differentiations. I judge someone as insipid and obtuse who can’t understand the instruction against negative and punitive judgment not meaning we don’t discern, assess, critique, and evaluate for the good. Every choice we make requires judgment, but not judgmentalism. It doesn’t take a great deal of awareness to make this distinction (so, judgmenty on my part) and I think most people who accuse others of being too kind, forgiving, generous, loving, and tolerant actually know they are being somewhat irrational and disingenuous.

Dorotheos of Gaza stated clearly and often that it really doesn’t take much effort, energy, or intelligence not to judge. All sin and fall short of the glory of God. No one is good at everything, everyone is good at something, so just accept people as they are and leave judging to God. For Dorotheos the key to not judging is the exercise of one aspect of the fruit of the Holy Spirit: self-control. No one makes us judge. No one forces us to condemn. No one demands that we look down on others. We do that freely, making a conscious choice to ignore God and Jesus, and to make life harder for other people. Why?

What does judging others actually do for us? What is the benefit? We have enough trouble taking care of our own stuff, why are we interested in getting up in the junk of others? Are we so starved for grace, acceptance, attention, and recognition that we can’t offer it to others?

Dorotheos and I are talking at the individual/relational level. Culturally and socially, we must have rules, laws, boundaries set that protect the common good and the safety of all the members of a community. A certain level of communal judgmentalism is essential for civil functioning. But even then, if the core understanding of judgment is compromised, it will corrupt even the best-intentioned social codes. Look at what we have done with millions of immigrants. Four out of five undocumented immigrants are law-abiding, culturally contributing, society-strengthening residents in our foreign land. Fewer immigrants commit violent crimes than citizens born on U.S. soil. A statistically insignificant number of immigrants are taking unfair advantage of safety-net services. The vast majority of those born on foreign soil are staunch and serious patriots, many serving in our armed services and working to keep our country strong. But look how simple and convenient it is to simplistically reduce our rich diversity to and “us” “them” crisis to address. Look how easy it is to ignore the millions of productive contributors to the strength and vitality of our country to fearmonger the handful of aberrations. Look how unfair judgment of the few can be blanket applied to the many to justify detainment, arrest, punishment, condemnation, and deportment – where over 70% have done nothing wrong beyond crossing a border and trying to live a safe, secure, productive life.

How will I tie this to Advent? History shows that the oppressed, the conquered, the enslaved, and the victimized tend to demonize (judge) those who abuse them. Duh. Makes perfect sense. Can’t hardly argue with the logic. Except it robs of us a vital God-given opportunity. You and I have only a certain capacity for spiritual and psychological functioning. The more we are opposed to something, the less we can be in support of something else. The more we judge others, the less we can improve ourselves. The more we feel mistreated and victimized, the less we can celebrate our strengths and create solutions. The more we denigrate “them,” the less we can optimize “us.” The more we focus on the injury, the less we can channel to the healing. Judging is not only a waste of time, but a waste of energy, opportunity, and potential.

What helps you let go of past hurts, insults, and injuries? How do you deal with feelings of envy, unfairness, and rejection.? When do you feel most appreciated? Most unappreciated? How does this impact your ability to appreciate (and not judge) others?