Do not ask for love from your neighbor, for if you ask and they do not respond, you will be troubled.  Instead, show your love for your neighbor and you will be at rest, and so bring your neighbor to love.

In the 1939 film version of The Wizard of Oz, Frank Morgan (the Wizard) tells the tin woodsman, “A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” Dorotheos of Gaza, and Jesus of Nazareth before him, might disagree. Certainly, we all seek to be loved, to feel loved, to enjoy love, but being loved is not the point. Christians have acknowledged that love is a verb rather than a noun since the days of Jesus and Paul. Take a moment to read and reflect on 1 Corinthians 13 again. Think hard about John’s simple declarative, “God is love.” Embrace the Great Commandment in its three essential aspects: love God, love neighbor, love self. Love is not, is never, cannot be, passive. And it is not something to be coveted. It is something to give, to share, to proclaim, and to live.

I have been overly concerned with what others thought of me throughout my life. Incredibly, I am actually a shy, insecure, and anxious person, lacking confidence, ambition, and a solid self-esteem. I have been very good at faking it. But deep inside? I cannot actually believe people value, enjoy, are impressed by, or like what I do and say. So, I crave affirmation. But my insecurities have not led me to hide in a deep, dark cave. Instead, I have put myself out in very public, social, and vulnerable ways. My focus has been on what I can do for others. I love to teach. I love to preach. I love to counsel. I love to encourage others. I love to love, and it has been a saving grace.

I truly have no idea how I am viewed by others. Many people have complimented me, applauded me, and affirmed me. I have a terrible time accepting compliments, and I am quick to dismiss positive things said about me. I am not boasting; I am confessing. Wanting to be loved is dangerous, because sometimes people simply do not love you. I have had as many critics and opponents as supporters. I have been attacked, insulted, accused, denigrated, and mocked throughout my life. But I had the great gift of a few people in my life that showed me that it is more important to love than to be loved.

Andy Warrner was a teacher in Muncie, Indiana who saw in me something of value and he reached out to me at a critical time in my life. Andy is one of the most selfless, kind, caring, and giving people I ever met. He helped me see that when things weren’t going well in my own life, I could best rise above by doing good things for others whose lives weren’t going all that great. He instilled in me a fundamental and formative question: “How can I help?”

Carl Andry was a crotchety, cantankerous, caustic professor of religious studies at Ball State University who saw great potential in me, took me under his wing, and shaped my lifelong hunger for learning and encourage my passionate curiosity. He taught me that everyone is a theology and philosophy unto themselves, and it is not our place to judge or condemn; it our place to listen, to understand, and to offer grace. People may be stupid. People may be wrong. People may be irrational. But they are people, and people mean something. You care for people. You are patient with people. You are kind to people. You love people.

Neill Hamilton may not only be the finest professor, but the finest person, I have ever known. I took a dozen New Testament classes from him in seminary, not purely for the integrity and power of his teaching, but for the integrity and goodness of the man. I have never known another human being with a more expansive, accepting, and inclusive view of humanity than Neill. When he encountered absurdity, hostility, irrationality, ignorance, intolerance, and antagonism, he merely smiled and sometimes laughed. He saw every person as a child of God, a gift of God, a matrix of potential, and an opportunity to form a bond. He didn’t argue, he didn’t debate – he engaged. He wasn’t offended, he wasn’t defensive – he was present. If I live to be a hundred, a wish I could be one tenth the person Neill Hamilton was. I do not know that I have ever met anyone else in my lifetime who truly embodied Christian love.

Love is not easy, and it is not something to covet or pursue. Christian love is a resource, a tool, a gift. It is what God has given to us in abundance that we might share it with others. The more we seek to be loved, the less capacity we have to love others. And not just love of others we like, admire, tolerate, or agree with. Love for those who offend us, who berate us, who insult us, and who hate us.

In this Advent season, what might help you most to grow in love? Who in your life or your experience do you struggle to love? How might loving others work to heal you in the ways you feel unloved?