It is not right to correct another at the moment they are doing something wrong, or at any other time, for the sake of getting back our own. (To act superior or seek revenge.)

One-Upmanship – the art or practice of achieving, demonstrating, or assuming superiority in one’s rivalry with a friend or opponent by obtaining privilege, status, status symbols, etc. Who doesn’t love to win an argument? And what is sweeter than spicing up victory with a little vitriol? Isn’t it thrilling to put someone in their place, make them look foolish, teach them a lesson? Too bad this option is open to followers of Jesus the Christ. We are bound by the Golden Rule delivered to us by the Golden Ruler.

Most people know that our modern version of the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you – is a revision of the earlier and more ancient – do not do to anyone what you would not have them do to you. Similar, but definitely not the same. However, taken together they make payback, revenge, retribution, reprisal, spitefulness and getting even pretty much out of the question. Darn it.

Dorotheos of Gaza lived in a time where the concept of an eye for an eye was a moral standard and those in power took great pleasure in correcting their lessers at every opportunity. Stern rebuke was never enough; humiliation, mockery, abasement, and degradation were icing on the cake. This behavior made its way into monasteries, convents, priories, and cloisters. They didn’t call her “Mother Superior” for nothing.

Dorotheos was big on accountability, but with respect for the dignity of every individual. Taking a person aside following an incident was often necessary, but public humiliation to make an example of someone was distinctly unChristian. And Dorotheos challenged his peers to consider what made them think they had the right to correct anyone else. Dorotheos was guided by Jesus words from Matthew 5:7 – “first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.” To correct another implies the corrector knows better, acts better, is smarter, is somehow superior to the one needing correction.

Any parent will push back on this. Isn’t it the role of every parent to correct their children? Isn’t it an abdication of responsibility to allow bad behavior, dangerous activities, and disrespect for rules and social conventions? Most certainly. It is not that correction is not needed, but how correction is offered (not the “what,” but the “how”). Good parenting requires love and respect, care for the dignity and psyche of the child, clarity of why something is wrong and what is right in the situation, and the capacity to allow for mistakes. It requires honesty with tact, guidance with patience, and direction without shaming. There truly isn’t anything we do with our children that we shouldn’t extend to others, EXCEPT – those around us are not our children and we are not each other’s parent.

Perhaps one of the toughest lessons to learn in this life is that others have rights, even the right to be wrong. I can disagree with you, but HOW I handle the disagreement is critically important. We are living in a culture that holds low regard for manners, respect, civility, dignity, and self-control. Our values which can unite and strengthen us can also divide and separate us. We can look upon others as gifts or burdens, allies or enemies, friends or foes. And we can encounter strangers as potential blessings or curses.

How might the time of Advent waiting be a time of letting go? Letting go of the need to be right. Letting go of the need to win. Letting go of the need to compete. Letting go of an entitlement ego. As we think of giving gifts this Christmas, consider the following:

• Think the best of others rather than the worst
• Give the benefit of the doubt
• Listen first, speak last
• Fore-give – know that others will mess up and forgive them in advance
• Fill yourself with the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control – and share some with everyone you meet (especially those you have never met before)
• Measure yourself with the Golden Ruler before you use it on anyone else