It is impossible to be angry with anyone unless the heart is lifted up against them, unless one despises them and esteems themself to be superior.

It seems very popular in this country to be the absolute biggest ass you can possibly be. Many feel no constraints on the level of cruelty, crassness, contempt, condescension, condemnation, and about 100 other words beginning with “c” in their treatment of others. Another popular trend is to defend the reprehensible things we say and do as justified and necessary.

Dorotheos of Gaza was an absolutist, very much a product of 6th century “either/or” thinking and worldviews. For Dorotheos, anger was never acceptable. Anger was evidence of a deeper spiritual brokenness and failing. He would push back on Jesus’ own “let not the sun go down on your anger” teaching by saying “don’t get angry in the first place.” I won’t speak for you, but I will openly confess that I fall WAY short of Dorotheos’s expectations. I listen to the news for five minutes and within that short span of time I am angry, outraged, shocked, ashamed, sad, furious, incredulous, aggravated, incensed, and appalled. I often find myself not wanting to get angry, but to get even. Dorotheos would be so ashamed.

But then I reflect on the effects of my anger instead of the causes. What actual good does my anger do me? Anger results in inactivity more often than action, and all I am left with is a negative feeling and the makings of a bad day. My wife does not benefit from my anger. My cat does not benefit from my anger. And I do not benefit from my anger. Anger that does not serve as a catalyst to action and response is wasted energy. So why get angry?

In personal relationships I tend to get angry with people who defy me, disagree with me, challenge me, or disrespect me. Even then, to what good end? The basis of my anger is simply that I think I am right and they are wrong. Or that I am smarter than they are, or kinder than they are, or more reasonable than they are. Is this true? In some cases, sure. But in all cases?

With those people I care most deeply about, I try to work through the anger to reconciliation and healing. I don’t want to stay angry. Something inside me knows that living in the fires of anger is no better than living in the pits of despair. My anger is doing nothing to create, build up, generate, unify, or strengthen, simply to throw up walls and divisions. I often dole out hurt for hurt, denying my deeper feelings for the momentary satisfaction of putting someone in their place.

In this waiting period of Advent, we are given time. Time for reflection, time for preparation, time for redemption. What helps you get over being angry? What helps you avoid being angry in the first place? How do you turn the negative energy of anger into positive energy for healing, growth, and change? What one thing could you work on to better manage your anger?