If, when one is rebuked or corrected, they are roused to anger, it is a sign that they are controlled by their passions (rather than God).  Bearing a rebuke or correction without being put out is a sign that a person is not controlled by weakness or ignorance.

This is for me. I cannot project this on anyone else, though I do think it applies. I take things personally. Primarily, I pride myself on a few things: honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, and I hate when I let people down. I hate even more when I live by my values and others accuse me of dishonesty, deception, or neglect. It has happened many times in my life, for a variety of reasons, and I have a terrible time not being “put out.” I hate being misunderstood, misrepresented, and/or attacked.

I remember a time when a colleague of mine accused me of lying, and in the face of proof that I had not lied, she maintained that I was no longer trustworthy. No one stood up in my defense, and I felt completely defeated. It is bad enough when one feels unfairly treated, it is another to know that others hold you in such low esteem.

But Dorotheos of Gaza is/was always about humility. If there is a shadow side to humility it must be pride. Pride, one of the seven deadly sins, makes one the center of the universe and the object of ultimate worship and devotion. Pride sets one up to feel slighted, slandered, disrespected, and disregarded. For those of us who tend to define ourselves by our achievements and accomplishments, pride becomes a toxic trap.

In the case of the woman who accused me of lying, I explained each claim and exculpated myself completely. Yet, the stain and the shame persisted. But so what? Why should someone else’s false and degrading opinion matter so much? I didn’t lie, I wasn’t wrong, I did my job, so why was someone’s erroneous assumptions so impactful? Pride.

When God knows our heart, our intentions, our actions, and our truth, why does it matter what other people think of us? If we hold fast to a sense of ethical and moral behavior that others oppose, what difference should it make? I marvel at how deeply I feel my convictions yet question my reputation. I rarely make a decision I am not ready to defend, but I still want my defense to matter.

Jesus taught that our yes should be yes and our no should be no; that there should be a foundational integrity to what we say, believe, and do. It is not our responsibility to defend what we do, just to do what is right and good and noble.

There is a real strength and gift to not caring overly much what others think of us. Certainly, we need to be open to legitimate and useful criticism, but to stay true to self and God is critically important. Others can provide a valuable mirror, but they can also distort the image that God desperately wants us to embrace. I work hard to forgive the broken and incomplete woman who judged me so unfairly, but my deeper prayer is that God might help me simply not to care.

In this Advent period, what feeds your soul, but not your ego? How important is your “image” as a Christian disciple? How do you deal with the anger and emotions of being unfairly judged or criticized?