Typographical Terrors

April Fool’s Day inspired me to dig out a list of goofs, gaffs, and giggles from church signs, bulletins, newsletters, banners, cookbooks, and emails.  This is just for fun… or not.

From a church cookbook recipe for “Southwestern Stew” — 1 small child, dried, ground to a fine powder.

From a bulletin insert — You’re invited to Hate Night! (Wear your favorite hat to this Wednesday’s fellowship supper)

An announcement for an “open meeting” — All who can stab are invited to meet our pastor.

From a church newsletter — We’re looking for altos and tenors to sin with the choir.

From a unison prayer — Lord, teach us to prey.

Announcement from a Catholic worship bulletin — we need the Altar Boys to meet after this morning’s Mess.

From a newsletter — Following the dinner, the members of the UMM (United Methodist Men) washed the dishes, and the UMW (United Methodist Women) died.

From a Thanksgiving offering appeal letter — Our goal is to feel fifty families this year.

From a “thank you” article in a church newsletter — …and to Mrs Morgan for her threats for all the children.

A bulletin insert asking participants to evaluate the worship experience — How would you rape our service?

Sign at a church bazaar — Afghans, Rugs, Satan pillows

Banner on a church lawn — Helling services every Wednesday evening

A note in a church bulletin — Please remember to park on church property and not on our neighbors.

From a bulletin — Please remain seated through the postlude by our Hell Choir.

From a newsletter — our new pastor is a gifted teacher and a killed preacher.

From an Easter prayer — We come seeking Jesus, but all we find is an abandoned bomb.

Here’s hoping God has a sense of humor!

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